SUK3/ Part 4/ Fiona & Melisa/ WS13

Homework 1 - "Opinion from the text covered in class"

Brainstorm

Paragraph

ORIGINAL VERSION

Looking at the text in a broad way, I think it is well structured. The first thing we find when we start reading is an abstract, which I believe it is really useful for the reader. From the very beginning we get a general sense of whet the text is going to be about. The text is divided into 3 main points: "A durable peace", "Economic strength and prosperity" and "Theories and explanations" this division also helps us approach the text. Paragraphs are made with long sentences which also have a lot of subsentences inside the main one. This does not help to a good comprehension of the text, because the main stream of information is interrupted a lot of times. From my point of view, the text does accomplish the aim of informing us what the EU was made for, although at some points the text gets a bit repetitive.  The high register they have used I believe is the adequate one for an academic text, though to completely understand the text it is probably necessary to be aware of the specific vocabulary used for the topic treatise.

FEEDBACK

- The second sentence is too long.

- After naming the 3 main divisions of the text, a period is needed.

- Lower register than expected

- Linking words

- Too many repetitions of “the text”

- Concluding sentence needed.

FINAL VERSION

Looking at the text in a broad way, I think it is well structured. The first thing we find when we start reading is an abstract, which I believe it is really useful for the reader. From the very beginning we get a general sense of the subject he is going to be talking about. The text is divided into 3 main points: "A durable peace", "Economic strength and prosperity" and "Theories and explanations". This division also helps us –the reader – approach it. Paragraphs are made with long sentences which also have a lot of subsentences inside the main one; this distracts us from the main stream of information, because it is interrupted a lot of times. From my point of view, the text does accomplish the aim of informing us what the EU was made for, although at some points it gets a bit repetitive.  I believe the high register they have used is the adequate one for an academic text, though to completely understand it, it is probably necessary to be aware of the specific vocabulary used for the topic treatise. Therefore, as a whole, it is a good quality source if you need to understand what the reasons the EU was created for were.